Today is the 31st March 2009 and this is my second post of the day . 

This isn't meant for anybody, i'm just trying to let it out . 

If this is just a crush, i hope it could stop . But if this is love, why do i feel what i shouldn't feel . Have you ever had so much feeling for someone, not a family member, just some other one, so much so that you could bear to let yourself suffer so that he could be happier ? 

I know this is wrong, i knew it was so wrong right from the start, but it's not that i always keep things to myself, i have a reason, a reason for everything, anything that i do, whatever that i did . Why must i voice out the unhappiness which adds more trouble to the world, to me, to you ? Why must i say out what i'm not contented with so that there's one more fight/quarreling to have ? All i'm trying to do, hiding my stuffs within me, is so that we could live happier, less argues, less whatever that would make us more unhappy . Did i do it wrong ? All these of my ''sufferings'', is all my intentions . . . for your happiness, because at the end of the day, i only want who i love, i only want who i can't live without, to be truly happy . 

Even though we quarrel at times, but i still care for you, where you were, what are you doing and how you felt . Everytime, we could have quarrelled for a longer time, but i gave in, it's just a moment of anger that made me wanna pick up a fight . Pardon me . 

If it was me a year ago, all my intentions goes to how i could have fun and i never thought of any hardship of life . Because i never trust men, even though they were truthful . My life were more or less given away, whoever wants it, takes it, then throws it . I rely on other men's cash to live, one after the other, i have no problems with that . Even if one day i were to marry, all expenses shall be on the man . I was so strong not to trust men then . 

But the me now, i don't know . I trust you, but why do i still have dreams that one day you'll leave . I still can't find the answer . 

How could i ever know that you're my only only one ?

I don't wish to go back to trusting no one .